


Corner of First and Amistad

by notyouranswer (gorgeouschaos)



Series: Hallowed Be Thy Name [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, Religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21792850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gorgeouschaos/pseuds/notyouranswer
Summary: Even after everything, Sam still prayed.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, God & Sam Winchester
Series: Hallowed Be Thy Name [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1458910
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Corner of First and Amistad

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I was raised Roman Catholic so my understanding of religion is obviously very screwy. Also, this was written in like half an hour.  
> Title from You Found Me by The Fray, because the lyrics scream Sam to me.  
> (I found God on the corner of First and Amistad  
> Where the west was all but won  
> All alone, smoking his last cigarette  
> I said, “Where you been?”  
> He said, “Ask anything.”)

Sam began praying when he was seven. John left Sam and Dean with Pastor Jim for a week and Pastor Jim took them to church with him.

Dean liked Pastor Jim enough to keep his mouth shut, but Dean didn’t like it. Sam was probably the only one who could read the irritation in his brother’s body language, but to him Dean’s unhappiness was evident.

Sam liked church, though. The quiet conviction of the people, Pastor Jim’s absolute faith, the concept that there was someone in control of everything…

Sam liked it. He found peace in it.

“He didn’t make you go to church, did he?” John asked when he picked them up. 

“Yeah,” Dean said. “It wasn’t that bad.”

Sam didn’t say anything. 

That night, under the scratchy sheets of the motel room, Sam folded his hands and murmured a short prayer.

“Please take care of Dad and Dean and the Impala.”

Dean stirred and lifted his head from his pillow beside Sam.

“Sammy?” Dean mumbled. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Sam whispered. 

“‘Kay,” Dean said, and he went back to sleep.

Sam didn’t need to pray for himself. God didn’t need to protect him.

Dean would.

John left Sam and Dean with Pastor Jim a few more times. The pastor gave them the option to come with him to church every time.

Sam went. Dean didn’t.

Sam didn’t know why Dean refused to believe in God. Dean probably didn’t understand why Sam did believe.

It was just another thing to widen the growing gulf between them.

Sam prayed for a lot of things over the years. Safety, stability, freedom. 

Later, Jess.

(Always, Dean.)

When Jake stabbed Sam, Sam’s last thought was a prayer.

_God, please take care of Dean._

For the next year, Sam prayed for a solution. It didn’t come. 

Dean got dragged to Hell.

Sam still prayed.

(Always, always, for Dean,)

Dean came back with a handprint burned into his arms and a dead look in his eyes. Sam had prayed for this moment for four months and still couldn’t choke out a thank you to God. Maybe Dean was back, but the light in his brother’s eyes was gone, and Sam couldn’t make himself say thank you for that.

Sam stopped praying after he met the angels and they called him tainted.

Mary might have believed that angels were watching over all of them, but as it turned out, the angels watching over them were dicks.

Sam had Dean again. That was all that he had ever needed.

~

Sam prayed nonstop in the Cage. 

God didn’t answer.

Sam hadn’t expected Him to, but it was nice to have something to scream besides _Dean_ and _please_.

~

Sam was infected by whatever the Darkness’ mist was and he went to church for the first time since college.

He didn’t know if he had faith anymore. He didn’t kneel.

Sam prayed and God didn’t answer. Sam saved himself.

Months later, Dean called God a dick and God answered.

Sam, once he’d processed the fact that he was talking to God, decided that was about par for the course.

God used to have a drinking problem, liked bacon, and was about as human as his creations. 

These days, Sam had more faith in humanity, in Dean and Cas, than in any kind of higher power.

Standing over his mother’s tombstone while Dean prepared to die, Sam wished that there was anyone left to pray to. God was dying and the only decent angel was powerless against Amara.

Bitterly, he wished he and Dean could be kids again. He wished for Pastor Jim, for the faith of the child he'd been, and he wished for Dean by his side.

He didn't pray.

Sam was done with praying.


End file.
